i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
