Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
