I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
two words...techno handjob
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You are a genius and a whore.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
