I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
