I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
