I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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