Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
