I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
