I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Is this like a preordered booty call?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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