in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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