i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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