I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
