a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
