i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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