i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
