Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
