My liver just broke up with me...
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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