I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
