I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
