I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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