How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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