So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
