And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
