Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
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she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
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Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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