I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
