How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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