ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
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Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
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Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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