well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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