she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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