Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
