drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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