If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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