i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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