new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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