i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
