Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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