You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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