I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
3 2 1 whiskey
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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