I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
