New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize