Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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