Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
