You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Alive.
So much puke
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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