OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
