I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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