I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
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I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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