Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
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Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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