People with herpes should wear stickers.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
