i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
