sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
