hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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