The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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