dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
