please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
