You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
