Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Randomize
