I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
