Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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