bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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