I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I came so hard my ears popped.
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