just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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