I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
