If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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