I cockslap morals
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
