nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
