oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
