Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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