they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
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If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
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Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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