Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
