Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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