Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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